The JOY MAP: On Dreaming.
“What is your dream?”
This question woke me to my own suffering in 2020.
I stopped, and thought, “I have no idea. I have no dreams.”
Even writing that sentence now feels absolutely crushing. I was a confident kid, and I grew up with the expectation that I would do something great with my life. So when I found myself five years out of college having done nothing much but survive on minimum wage… I got scared. Where did the time go? Where did my dreams go?
Dreaming is scary, because when you wake yourself up to the possibility of more, of better, all of sudden—Something is on the line. Something can be lost. Disappointment is a bitch, and we walk circles around what we really want to avoid feeling it at all costs. Even at the cost of ourselves. And it’s fair, it is a way to keep going, and it’s important to have that tool at your disposal. If you are in survival mode and you can’t exit, don’t worry, the dreams sleeping in your heart can always be woken up when it’s time.
Even if you aren’t fully ready to start dreaming again, it is always a good practice to imagine a better reality for yourself and your community: Walking towards light and hope will never give bring us shame.
But if you are ready to shake those dreams awake, I can’t wait to hear about it and cheer you on. You need cheerleaders at this stage, not doubters. When I woke my dreams up again, it was not easy. I could not have kept going without the support of my partner and my coach, because no one else was going to give me the affirmation I couldn’t even give myself! When I started to dream again, I unwittingly began a three-year process of unlearning bad habits and negative self-talk, and instead learning the whole new language of Mar. I learned how to know what I need, how to advocate for myself (even to advocate for myself WITHIN myself, oof), and how to become the adult I needed when I was younger.
But I hope you can understand:
Everything you need is within you.
We all need encouragement, community, support, but every tool you need to bring your highest self to life is WITHIN you.
You are here. You are needed.
Let’s build together.
love,
mar
